Wedding presents - what to do?

Every couple hits the wedding present question at some point in the planning stages and it can often give rise to strong feelings on the subject - to gift list or not to gift list? The tradition of giving gifts to a married couple harks back to the custom of giving fruit to symbolise fertility in the marriage. In the more recent past, when couples were marrying and setting up a home together for the first time, presents were practical gifts with which to furnish a new life together. Today, where more and more couples have lived together before marrying and often have their home life fairly stocked, gifts can range from traditional kitchenware and linen, to i-pods or donations towards the honeymoon.

Whatever choice you make for your wedding presents, newly married couples are often taken aback by guests generosity on their wedding day and the fact is there is simply no right or wrong when it comes to presents.

Gift List

The gift list has become more popular in the last ten years and numerous outlets and websites offer a gift list service. The benefits of having a gift list is that you will only receive presents that you have chosen (no chance of receiving 3 toasters you'll never use). It can also be helpful for guests as they don't have to wrack their brains to come up with an idea for a present and simply have to pick something within their budget from a list. It certainly can make life easier for both parties.

However, the formality of a gift list does take away the personal element to picking and receiving a present to mark such a special occasion. While some guests see the gift list token fall out of their wedding invitation and breath a sigh of relief, others see it as the height of rudeness - You can't be responsible for this and have to follow your gut feeling on the matter. The best option may offer your guests a choice, stating that the option of a gift list is available if they want to use it for gift suggestions. It's also a good idea to pick a range of prices on your gifts and be realistic. If you think that a £300 espresso coffee machine is a realistic ask, then go for it but make sure you do budget for your audience!

No Gift List

Some couples are staunchly against the idea of stipulating what people must buy for their special day. No one wants their guests to feel they are expected to spend a fortune on gifts – the whole point of asking people to join you on your wedding day is to share something amazing with people you love so formalising a gift list can take something from this. This said, people will ask you and/ or your parents or close friends what you need and what you would like as a gift. Guests like to feel that the present they chose for you will be useful and enjoyed by the couple so even if you are strictly against the formal business of a wedding gift list, having an idea of suggestions will help if people ask.

Alternative options

There are alternative options to the wedding present question and as long as you approach it with care, most things should be possible. The list below is just a few alternative suggestions – they might not be for everyone but the choice ultimately, is yours.

Donations towards a honeymoon to remember
Charity donations
Money or vouchers

The main thing is avoiding upsetting your guests, gifts are given in good faith by people you have asked to share your day so as long as they don't feel badgered into something and are still made to feel they exercise freewill in their choice of wedding gift – everyone should be happy!